Kutabare, Manual!
by Viokufu
Summary: I hate Mondays. I hate them almost as much as I do hangovers. Maybe if I hadn't decided to celebrate that Sunday things wouldn't have turned out like this...  Another manual fic. I couldn't resist the temptation. Rating will change in future chappies.


Kutabare, Manual!

Characters(OC's):

Ellis; main OC. 5'8". His moods are based on mine, and I can't really describe how random I am, so forgive me if I'm a little non-descriptive on how he's feeling or if he suddenly flips out.

Grimm; Ellis' cat. Russian Blue. Grimm is incredibly intelligent and was raised by Ellis from kittenhood. He acts like a human and get's rather horny and violent if his mood is right.

Basic characters, not much else to say. Ellis does have friends and they will be popping in and out of the story as it goes along. Maybe I'll draw a pic of him and put it on my deviantart. Dunno.

I used randomDOTorg to determine which units arrive in order. I'm only giving him 13, and some of them don't have manuals, so I'll be making those up as I write unless the manuals come before I write that chappie.

This fic is based off of the mauals by LolliDictator and all Hetalia characters belong to Hidekaz Himemura. I hope I spelled that right.

By the way, there will be some yaoi between all characters including Ellis, even though he's a prude. Might be smut, just depends if I really want to be perverted that chapter.

This fic is not primarily romance, cuz I want it to be friendship and family more than lovin', though I love to torture my OC's, it's too much fun!

Hope you enjoy the fic and flames will be used to construct one of Ellis' many firewalls. Get it? No? Fail on me then.

';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';';'

Kutubare, Manual!

Chapter one: ...Gottverdammt.

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,..,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,

I hate Mondays. I hate them almost as much as I hate hangovers.

Oh, excuse me I'm sorry.

My name is Ellis Catharc. Weird last name, huh? I'm 22 years old and I live on a modest (che, if having the largest house and property this side of the interstate was considered modest.) estate that my barely known great grandparents had so kindly left me located in the sunny state of Florida with my cat Grimm.

If you haven't been able to figure out that I am less than pleased with this then you are slow or are unable to read the atmosphere.

Two months ago a letter arrived in the mailbox at my parent's house with a copy of my mother's grandprent's will. Long story short, they had deciced to leave all of their estate and savings to the youngest offspring of the second child of their daughter, that just so happened to be me.

Whoop de fucking doo.

Turns out, they were drowning in the green stuff. So much that mother fainted when she saw the amount of zeros on the piece of paper I showed her. We had always been a fairly modest family, conserving what money we had to buy nececcities and the occasional want. Having nearly a billion dollars was not the ideal lifestyle for me, but Mother and Father practically forced me out of my comfy den of an apartment and into this gigantic mansion.

After two very uncomfortable weeks of adjusting and convincing my self that there were NO ghosts in mansion I settled down into turning it into an acceptable place to live rather than leave it in the run down state it was in, leaving me at where we were now.

One and a half months of grueling work had finally been completed and the rooms were airing out the fresh paint smell when my friend Dan decided it would be a good time to celebrate with a few drinks. A few turned into ten and the next thing I know I'm waking up the next morning with my cheek stuck to the keyboard of my laptop and a gaudy flashing ad reading: Congratulations! You are the lucky winner of thirteen amazing Hetalia units! The first one shall be delivered to your doorstep around noon in three buisness days!

What.

The.

FUCK.

Here's a little sidenote for ya: I am a HUGE anime geek. Trust me, when you can recite every name of every character, filler and canon from three different series clocking over a hundred episodes each solidifies that: A) you have no life, or C) you have an online job like I do and have a shitload of freetime and good memory skills. Yeah, I was about to have a fanboy moment of epic proportions. It never happened though.

I had a major hangover and the bright flahing lights of the advert were giving me one of the worst migranes I'd ever had. Combined with the onslaught of fanboyish excitement and cynic skepticism that was threatening to spill out knocked me right back out again.

This time I woke up around midafternoon in my own bed , a glass of water and an ib-profen resting on a napkin on my nightstand along with a note from Dan, who must have woken up after I passed out.

_Well, at least the hangover is gone. What does the bastard have to say this time?_

Sitting up I reached over and grabbed the note, flicking the lamp on as well.

~ _Yo Ellis,_

_By the time you're reading this I woulda left already, but I'm writing this to say that I'm gonna be outta town for awhile on buisness. I went out and bought ya some food and fed Grimm, you were running low on everything, dude. _

_I also cleaned up the mess we - scratch that- mainly I made while we were drunk last night, so don't freak when you can't find something. There's miso soup and a taro bun in the fridge for ya, I know your wierd ass cravings after hangovers._

_I saw that ad on the laptop. Do NOT take it for granted, those units could drive someone insane. I had a customer who had won the prize as well, and let's just say she was not completely stable, and there were only two units with her. I think you'll manage somehow._

_Grimm might be a little less than pleased with ya. I think he's plannin' somethin, so watch your ass._

_Don't die before I come back ya bastard, or I'll have ta bring ya back ta life and kill ya myself._

_ -Dan_

_ P.S. Hope to high hell you don't get Russia first. He's a scary motherfucker._

_ P.P.S. By the way, it's Monday. just thought I should let you know._

I laughed, that's my Dan! Lookin' after me like a mother hen an' her chicks.

Setting the note aside I could feel a small headache arise from laughing. Ugh, the stupid hangover wasn't comepletely gone then. Knocking back the small pill and the water I swung out of bed, the need to releive myself overwhelming. Ten minutes and a small breakfast later I was curled up under my sheets again, falling back into slumber.

-Tuesday Morning-

"Grahh?"

Whatever had hit me on the nose did it again and meowed.

"Grrr."

Grimm. Stupid cat.

Sharp teeth latched onto soft skin.

"!"

Swatting the large Russian Blue off of my chest I sat up and glared at the smug creature.

"What the hell, man!"

With a roll of his unnatural silverish pale blue eyes he turned his back to me and trotted out of the room, taunitng me with a final flick of his tail, almost as if saying, "Whatever. Get the hell up."

My eye twitched. Dammned smartass cat. Biting me on the nose like that. Oh well.

I sighed, flipping off the warm covers and placing both feet on the chilly floor, despite being the beginning of summer. Going through the normal routine of bathroom, shower, the housewear of a pair of basketball shorts and a tanktop, and the rapid consuming of three waffles, two whole sausages, one third of a bottle of syrup, five toaster strudels and half a gallon of tea I was ready for the day.

Walking down the long passageway from the kitchen to my workroom I hummed quietly to myself, the silence of the house unsettling. Carefully opening the workroom door -there was a shitload of electronic devices in the room- I propped it open with a thick manual I knew by heart and walked to the center of the electronic orgy.

I should explain.

My job is fairly simple, I type a shitload of numbers into my army of computers and send the compressed files to a bunch of people around the world, sit back and realx until the next stack of boxes filled with stacks of paper and numbers arrive. All in all, the entire typing and sending part only takes me four hours tops. Three for the typing and one for the compressing and sending.

'Mazin, huh? I'm just that good. I get paid really well too, so my bills are pretty much covered and then some. I don't really need the fortune.

Four hours later I was on my laptop, searching for the best locks one could buy in my area.

If I was gonna have a bunch of insane countries running about, I better have some kickass security for the private areas.

Another two hours and the locks had been installed and at least half of the side lawn now contained sunflower seeds, y'know, just in case I DO get a Russia unit.

I spent the rest of the day stocking up on various regional foods and the buns I love to snack on. Crawling back into my fluffy matress I felt a pang of dread and shivered.

Something told me I was NOT gonna have a happy morning.

-Wednesday Morning, 7:15 a.m.-

-3rd POV-

Grimm stared at his sleeping master, tail swaying back and forth contemplatively.

"Mrrowr."

The lump shifted and mumbled, but didn't get up.

"Mmmmrrroorrwrr!"

Nothing. The cat sighed. He brought this upon himself, dumb master.

WHAP.

"!"

"Mowr."

"Ahhh! What the hell Grimm!"

Satisfied that his owner finally got the hell up he jumped off the bed and walked out the door.

Ellis scowled, rubbing the four thin lines on his cheek. What was that cat's problem? He didn't have to get up this early 'cause he'd already finished work for the week. Groaning he tumbled out of bed and put on a pair of boxerbriefs and a clean pair of light green pyjama pants, mumbling about insane cats and sleep. En route to the kitchen after the morning visit to the bathroom he heard the loud knocking of someone who had probably been standing at the front door for some time.

_Aw shit, the delivery is today!_ He thought as he skidded to a halt in front of the large double doors.

-Ellis POV-

"Hello! Exactly how long have you been waiting...?" I gave the deliveryman a crooked smile.

He was wearing one of the more peculiar uniforms that I've seen. A mint green tracksuit with a light pink FMB Corp. embroidered onto the right pectoral, an equally green cap with little wings poking out on either side and dark brown knee high laced up high heel boots covered his lithe form, and out of the corner of my eye I could just make out a darker green truck with a huge flying mint bunny logo plastered across the side. A huge wooden box stood next to the guy, practically dwarfing him.

_What the fuckin' hell...?_

"Are you Ellis Catharc?"

I guess I scared him with how I snapped to attention if the starled look was anything to go by.

"Yes, that would be me, Mister...?"

"J-jake, Jake Clarkson at your service."

I smiled brightly, probably scaring the guy further. Hmm, he has really pretty hair...

"Weeell then Mister Clarkson, wheel that right this way and I'll sign! You have nice hair by the way."

Aww, he blushed.

It was true, he had beautiful honey hued hair that hung in a braid halfway down his back that made his powder blue eyes shine. Oi, if you think I'm being a bit poetic about the deliveryman, it's a habit I'm trying to break. I'm not interested in him.

Well, I have to admit that he IS easy on the eyes, and he does have a nice ass...

After handing me a thick manual and infoming me that he would be back in a week Jake beat a hasty retreat back to his truck blushing lightly from a few more compliments.

Man it's fun teasing people.

Walking back to the main living room where the casket was left standing I removed the manual from the shiny plastic bag it had been encased in.

"Lessee, who'd I get?"

** GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT: User Guide and Manual**

"... Gottverdammt."

Chapter 1 end.

**A/N:** Maa maa, U mad Ellis? Heheh, that took several days to write 'cuz I got so distracted... I've decided to release the chapters in bulk, so don't be surprised if there are suddenly two or three more chappies suddenly appear in one update. I'll try my best to make the chappies longer! I have sooo many ideas for this story! Please, tell me what you think in a review or PM and drop any ideas for scenes if you want to. Wow, 2'572 words, I'm happy with myself right now!

Ja ne!


End file.
